


On Luck's Side

by commontrans



Category: The 100
Genre: All The Bisexuals!, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bisexual Octavia Blake!, Bisexual Raven Reyes!, F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-24
Updated: 2017-06-01
Packaged: 2018-04-11 00:46:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 14,204
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4414475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/commontrans/pseuds/commontrans
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lexa moves from the small town of Bluefield West Virginia to Washington DC and gets into a prep school on a scholarship. That school also happens to be where Clarke Griffin goes. Clarke is still hurting from her fathers death and Lexa feels like she will never be able to forget Costia. </p><p>Or</p><p>The one where Lexa has a southern drawl and Clarke thinks it's hot as fuck.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The next update won't be super soon because I want to write several chapters at a time so I can begin regular updates :)

Lexa sat in her car drumming her fingers on the steering wheel nervously. She shouldn't be nervous, it's just high school, it's no different from back home. Calm down Lex you're fine, everything will be fine. she thought to herself as she exited the large pickup truck and walked toward the school.

She entered the main office to get her schedule. She could already tell she wasn't going to fit in here. She was at Ark Prep on a combined athletic and academic scholarship. Even though everyone wore uniforms she stood out, seeing as she chose to wear the uniform slacks and button up as opposed to the uniform skirt and sweater. She felt out of place there, that feeling becoming a constant ever since Anya and her moved to DC. 

Anya had been offered a job in the city that paid a lot better than the one back in Bluefield. So, the two packed up their things and moved from a small town in West Virginia to Washington DC. Lexa was less than thrilled but she had to admit that it was a relief to get away from the place she found and lost Costia.

Lexa left the office with her schedule and a map. Her load was heavy. She only had AP classes and one honors class but that was just the required fine arts course. Her first class of the day was AP calculus with Mr. Kane. The first bell rang signaling to the students that they'd better get their asses to class. Lexa hustled trying to find the room number and did so just as the second bell rang. Mr. Kane gave her a questioning look that said 'it's the first day of school and you're almost late?' Lexa introduced herself to him, "Hello Mr. Kane I am Lexa Trigeda I just moved here from West Virginia." She extended her hand to the man. He took it, clearly surprised at the girls politeness and nodded. "Finding your way around this place can be hard. Let me know if you need any help."  
"Thank you, sir." He smiled and jutted his chin toward an empty desk which Lexa hurried to.

Class passed quickly. calculus came easy to Lexa, well, most things came easy to Lexa and she wouldn't have a hard time maintaining the 3.7 GPA required to keep her scholarship. She had already tried out for and made it on the softball team (stereotype to the max). Lexa put her books away and took up her schedule and map to find her next class.

She found beginner art with little trouble. She was annoyed she had to waste her time with an art class but it was a graduation requirement so she sucked it up. Lexa kept her head down and tried not to look around too much, she didn't want to seem nervous. Showing Nervousness was showing weakness and showing weakness always caused problems. 

Class started and Lexa listened to the teacher as he droned on and on about different techniques and styles that she couldn't care less about. Finally his lecture ended and he introduced one of the students from the directed study class that would be teaching them as well. Lexa glanced up and was struck by shocking blue eyes and beautiful waves of blonde hair. 

"Hello! I'm Clarke." The girl waved to the class. There were several grunts of acknowledgment from the students. Lexa, however, never took her eyes off Clarke. The whole class Lexa spent studying the blonde artist. 

When the bell rang Lexa took her time packing up her things, she had AP physics next but she was willing to be late if it meant the slight possibility of speaking to Clarke. 

As luck would have it, Clarke slipped from the classroom quickly, but not before casting a quick glance over her shoulder at the new girl with green eyes. 

Lexa found her way to her physics class relatively easily, only getting turned around once. She was on time... Barely. There were two seats left, one next to a slim boy with messy brown hair and smelled vaguely of weed, and another next to- no fucking way. There's a spot next to Clarke. Lexa smirked, maybe luck was on her side after all.

Lexa slid casually- or maybe not so casually considering she was staring a hole into the side of Clarke's head the whole time- into the seat next to the blonde. The moment class began Lexa observed Clarke take out a sketchbook and then lay it inside a notebook so it appeared as if she were taking notes. Lexa chuckled silently at the blonde's actions as she got out her own notebook and began actually taking Notes. The content wasn't difficult, it was pretty simple in fact but, if you didn't have notes or pay attention during class understanding would be close to impossible. Lexa leaned over and whispered, “you know it’s going to be difficult to do the assignments if you don't pay attention to the material.” Clarke jumped slightly at the comment.

“I was planning on just getting the notes from jasper over there.” She pointed to the weed-scented boy lexa had noticed earlier. “But it doesn't look like he's in any state to be taking notes.” The two girls watched as jasper slouched in his seat and tried to keep his bloodshot eyes open. Lexa chuckled.  
“You Have a point there, I must admit. If you need the notes you're welcome to mine.” Lexa offered. Clarke smiled and quickly took a picture of lexa’s notebook with her phone. 

“Thank you, uh- what’s your name?” Clarke asked sheepishly. Lexa smiled and extended her hand.

“My name is Lexa Trigeda, pleased to meet you.”

“Clarke Griffin, the pleasure is all mine.” They stayed there holding each others hand for a tad too long to prevent an awkward situation. Lexa cleared her throat and took back her hand. Clarke blushed deep red and turned back to her sketch book. “Thanks again for the notes.” Clarke mumbled.

“Not a problem, Clarke.” Clarke realized how much she liked hearing Lexa say her name. She saw something she liked in Lexa, she couldn't quite put her finger on it and she thought it didn't really matter. 

Clarke spent that whole period sketching but every few minutes she'd glance over at Lexa. Lexa caught her once and Clarke didn't even look away. Before she knew what she was doing she had begun sketching Lexa's profile. Clarke was so focused on her drawing that she jumped when the bell rang. She slammed her book closed and shoved her things into her bag. Lexa turned to her and asked, "I hate to be a bother but, I am not quite sure where Mr. Jaha's room is. Could you point me in the right direction?" Clarke had picked up on Lexa's slight drawl earlier but now she realized it wasn't as slight as she thought. It was fairly prominent and Clarke thought it was hot.

"I'll do more than that, I'll take you there! My math class is right across the hall from it." Lexa smiled very faintly and nodded. They walked in comfortable silence all the way to Jaha's room. At the door Clarke shoved her phone at Lexa with "new contact" on the screen. Lexa quickly typed her info and sent herself a simple text that read "Clarke Griffin" and gave Clarke that faint smile that she gave so few people as she handed back the phone. Clarke turned on her heel and entered her own class as Lexa entered hers. 

***************

Clarke hated going home. She hated the empty feeling in her house. It was too big now that her dad was gone. Her mom had refused to downsize even though it was just the two of them. Clarke didn't really blame her. It was the house she and Jake bought together, where they raised their daughter, and where Jake took his last breath. Abby wasn't overly sentimental but she still felt a strong connection to the house. So, there Clarke sat, in the oversized kitchen, in the oversized house, with an oversized lump in her throat, and an oversized glass of vodka orange juice in her hands. She thought just how pathetic she was sitting there, day-drinking and wallowing, but she didn't really know how else to deal with how she felt. Suddenly she felt her phone buzz in her pocket. 

Lexa Trigeda: Hello Clarke, I noticed that you missed a page of the notes and thought I would send a picture of them.  
[img attached]

Clarke opened the picture and saw that she had, in fact, forgotten a page of Lexa's notes. 

Clarke Griffin: Thank you soooo much, Lexa! I really appreciate it. 

She considered adding a heart at the end but thought it might be a bit too much after knowing the girl for less than a day. 

Lexa Trigeda: It was no problem, Clarke.

Even her texts were unusually formal sounding but Clarke found it endearing. She thought that maybe Lexa wanted the conversation to end there but Clarke wanted to talk a bit more.

Clarke Griffin: So, how was your 1st day at AP? 

Lexa Trigeda: AP? 

Clarke Griffin: Ark Prep, sry.

Lexa Trigeda: Not as bad as I had anticipated. 

The girl really did not make it easy to maintain a conversation, but Clarke pushed through.

Clarke Griffin: Well that's good! Made any friends yet? 

This was the moment that Clarke realized she sounded like a mom interrogating her kid after their first day. 

Lexa Trigeda: Other than you? No.

Came the response and Clarke smiled, her day the slightest bit lighter.

Clarke Griffin: Well, it'll happen. The people at AP can be pretty bitchy but if you know where to look you'll do great. I'll introduce you to some people at lunch tomorrow. You're more than welcome to sit with us.

Clarke hesitated before pressing send, thinking it might be a tad too forward but she figured it couldn't hurt more than it could help. She hit send and waited anxiously for a reply.

She didn't wait too long. Lexa replied with a simple "thank you" and Clarke didn't know if that meant yes or no.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmm this update was quick? Don't get used to it please. I'm so slow usually. I also don't know how long this chapter is. I wrote it on my phone oops

Lexa was lost. Totally and utterly lost. She had somehow gotten to an abandoned hallway that lead to a door. She knew there was no way she'd find her way out by retracing her steps, she didn't even know what steps she'd taken to begin with. The only way out was to go through the mystery door and hope it led to somewhere she was familiar with.

The door led up a few flights of stairs and finally Lexa came to another door. She pushed through and ended up on the roof of Ark Prep. The sunlight was blinding so she had to use her hand to shield her eyes. It was a gorgeous view of the city and she could see all the way to the Potomac river. Lexa was lost in her thoughts looking out over the city when the minute bell rang and snapped her out of her reverie. There was zero chance of her getting un-lost and even less of a chance of her getting to class on time. She did the last thing she wanted to do but the only thing she could think of. She lifted her phone to her ear: "hello, Clarke? Um, I am incredibly sorry to ask this of you but I'm really lost and I honestly don't know how to get out of where I am.." Lexa was sure Clarke could hear her embarrassment.  
"Where are you? What's something that really pops out at you so I know where you are?" Clarke asked, already gathering her things from her seat in history class and heading out the door.  
"Well... I am sort of on the roof." Clarke stopped dead in her tracks out of confusion.  
"The roof? How'd you get on the roof?"  
"I am not entirely sure. I am rather certain I took a wrong turn somewhere along the way."  
"No kidding."  
"If you are not able to get me I understand. I suppose I can try to retrace my steps…” She trailed off.  
“No! No, it’s totally fine Lexa. I’m already on the way, just stay where you are.” Lexa exhaled in relief.  
“Thank you, Clarke”

Clarke hadn't been to the roof since freshman year. She and Raven and Octavia had discovered the hallway that led to it and spent most days up there until they got caught. Clarke had totally forgotten about it until now. She found her way there easily though and rushed through the doors separating her and Lexa. 

Lexa turned her head when she heard the sound of the door banging open to see Clarke in the doorway. She strolled over to where was standing.

"Thank you again, Clarke. I truly hate to be such a bother, it's just that you're the only person I've met here so far and I did not know who else to call." Lexa explained. Clarke was understanding and she really didn't mind missing class to help the girl who's green eyes made her legs go a little gelatinous. 

"Sure you weren't just trying to get me up here alone?" Clarke joked and immediately regretted it. A blush slowly crept onto Lexa's cheeks and the girl looked down to hide it. "Oh, oh shit, Lexa I'm so sorry! I was just joking I swear. Clearly I'm not as funny as I think I am."

Lexa looked up, face still a little red, and nodded once signaling she understood. "It is quite beautiful up here, isn't it?" Lexa asked staring out over the city again.

"Yeah, it really is." Clarke agreed. "You know, there's only about 20 minutes left in class and lunch is next period so we could just chill up here until then, if you're ok with that." Clarke suggested. Lexa considered, she wouldn't gain anything from going to class for the last 15-20 minutes and she was planning on sitting with Clarke at lunch anyway. 

"Yes, that sounds nice." Lexa said as she went to sit on the edge of the roof. Clarke watched in horror and awe as she dangled her feet over the edge.

"You have no fear do you?" Clarke asked.

"Fear is weakness, Clarke." Lexa responded like it was the most obvious answer in the world. Clarke wanted learn about the girl but she didn't know how to broach the subject. She walked over to where Lexa was sitting and sat facing the opposite way so as not see how high she was. Lexa clearly noticed Clarke's hesitation and spoke up. "Not much of a sky girl are you?" Clarke was stunned. Lexa just spoke and didn't sound like she was from a nineteenth century novel. 

"Not really no. You'd think I would be better with heights though considering my father was a pilot." Clarke stated.

"Was?"

"He was in a plane crash almost a year ago and was in a coma for a few weeks after that. My mom had all the hospital stuff set up at home in hopes he'd wake up but we both knew better. He never did." Clarke spilled out the information without thinking and suddenly realized that that was the first time she'd actually talked about out loud with someone who wasn't her mother.

"I'm very sorry, Clarke. I understand how hard it is to lose a parent. My mother and father both died when I was 10. It was very hard to move on but it is possible, just know that." Lexa's voice was soft and it soothes Clarke's racing heart.

"You know, you're the first person I've been able to talk about it with? Until now I could never get the words out. So, thanks." Clarke admitted. The corner of Lexa's mouth quirked upward, she nodded slightly. Both girls fell silent for a while. Lexa, to Clarke's surprise was the one to break the silence. "I wanted to thank you again and let you know how much I appreciate your help these past couple days. If the offer still stands I would like to join you and your friends for lunch." 

"Of course the offers stands. It'll stay standing for as long as you want it to." Lexa simply gave her half smile and went back to looking out over the city. 

The bell rang and both were reluctant to leave the roof but Clarke could hear Lexa's stomach rumble. They stood silently as Clarke led the way to the cafeteria.

****************

Lexa wasn't sure what to expect from Clarke's friends. She assumed they'd be like her, but boy was she mistaken. The table they approached was a mishmash of people. Clarke went around the table introducing people.  
"Hey guys! This is Lexa, she's new at AP and I told her she could sit with us." They all nodded and smiled. "So, here we go: there's Monty," she said gesturing to a boy with chemistry textbooks sprawled around him. "There's Jasper, he's in our physics class," the weed boy smiled and waved, "Octavia, captain of the basketball team and shortstop on the softball team-"

"You're making me sound like a stereotype Clarke!" Octavia interrupted.

"Those are lesbian stereotypes Octavia, not bisexual stereotypes."

"Oh, true. Carry on."

"Where'd I leave off? You still with me Lexa?" She nodded. "Lincoln, football co-captain with Bellamy," she motioned to the boys sitting side-by-side, "Murphy, he talks shit but doesn't mean it." A boy who vaguely resembled a fish looked up. "Raven, our resident engineer," a pretty girl with a brace on her leg waved, "that's pretty much everyone. Hope you got that, if not you'll catch on soon. Oh and bonus the majority of us are queer as all hell." Clarke finished with a wink and took a seat. Lexa followed suit feeling slightly overwhelmed but also feeling more content than she had since she got to DC.

"So Lexa, where're you from?" Raven questioned.

"A small town in West Virginia called Bluefield." Lexa replied.

"Ahh so that's where the accent is from!" Raven exclaimed. "It's kinda hot." Lexa was unsure if Raven was flirting or if that's hot she acts with all her friends all she knew to say was thanks.

"Uh- thanks." Her face was red and she laughed nervously.

"Don't mind Raven, she hasn't been on a date in like 4 days, she's getting antsy." The whole table burst into laughter, even Raven.

"What can I say, I see a cute person I gotta at least try!" 

"How do you even know if she's into girls, Raven?" Bellamy chimed in.

"Guys stop you're gonna make her uncomfortable!" Clarke repremanded.

"That ship has sailed." Lexa commented and the table burst into laughter once again.

"So, what is the answer?" Octavia asked. Clarke gave her a look but Lexa answered confidently.

"Yes, I like girls... Shocker. I'm actually also on the softball team." She said motioning toward Octavia.

"That's why you look so familiar!!!" Octavia exclaimed. "I saw you at tryouts!" Lexa nodded. 

"You're not gonna hit on her too are you?" Bellamy asked looking rather disgusted. "I had to watch you hit on Lincoln for months and I hated it. I don't need more of that in my life."

"Oh big bro, lighten up! We would be such the power couple. Sucks I can't date someone I'm on the team with... I joking Bell chill out!" She looked at Lexa, "you're hot but not my type, sorry man." Lexa exhaled and relaxed. She had no idea sitting here would cause so much anxiety. She did enjoy the banter though. Clarke leaned over to whisper in Lexa's ear, "Bellamy and Octavia are siblings if you didn't catch on and Octavia and Lincoln used to date. It's not weird between them though so there's no need to tiptoe around it. Raven just broke up with her jackass boyfriend Finn and is hunting for hookups under every rock." Lexa absorbed the new information, piecing things together. Lexa whispered back, "And Jasper and Monty, they are dating?" Clarke choked on her soda. Lexa looked at her perplexed. 

"Oh god no! Monty is gay though so good call. Jasper is dating a girl from Mt. Weather School of the Arts. Her name is Maya and Monty is dating the linebacker on the football team, Nate Miller." Lexa was surprised to find out they weren't dating but accepted what Clarke told her. 

Finally the bell signaling the end of lunch rang and the nine teens went to dump their trash. Raven approached Lexa, "What class are you heading to, I'll walk you." Lexa half-smiled and replied, "Psych."

"Oh you have Nyko. He's so chill. Let's the students use his first name and stuff. I had him freshman year. You know where the classroom is?"

"Yeah, I think I do, though I thought I knew where English class was too and ended up on the roof." Lexa said, completely straight faced. Raven cracked up.

"You're funny. Wouldn't have pegged you as the joking sort."

"No. I legitimately ended up on the roof. I had to call Clarke out of class to come find me." That just made Raven laugh harder. She grabbed Lexa's hand began pulling her down the hallway. 

"C'mon Commander of Common Sense let's get you to class." 

"Commander of Common Sense?"

"Yeah, that's your new nickname. I've just decided. If you'd rather we shorten we can... How about just Commander?" Lexa considered this and decided it worked.

"Sounds intimidating. I like it." The girls walked to class chatting and Raven even invited Lexa to her party that night. Lexa couldn't believe how quickly she'd made friends and how much she actually liked them.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was weird I sort of lost my train of thought halfway through.
> 
> Suggestions, comments, questions?! Leave them in the comments!

Clarke [7:04pm]: How are you getting to Raven's?  
Lexa [7:04pm]: I was planning on driving my truck. Why?  
Clarke [7:05pm]: Well here's the thing. I may have possibly lost my car keys and I may have also possibly lost my license.  
Lexa [7:06pm]: Clarke, how do you lose your driver's license AND your car keys?  
Clarke [7:06pm]: It's very likely that I leant my real ID to a girl I met at a party instead of my fake ID. My keys on the other hand I don't even have an excuse. They grew legs !  
Lexa [7:08pm]: Text me your address I'll be there in 20.  
Clarke [7:09pm]: Oh Lexa you're my saviour. My knight in a rusty pickup truck. I could kiss you.

Lexa quite liked that last part. She tucked her phone into the back pocket of her black skinny jeans and grabbed her leather jacket as she walked out the door. She double-checked that she hadn't lost HER keys and hopped into the truck.

It wasn't hard to find Clarke's house. It was huge for one, and secondly, it was set back off the street with a gate. Lexa parked her car and approached the front door. She could hear the doorbell from outside as she waited for Clarke to answer. A few seconds later a half-dressed Clarke flung the door open. 

"Heyyy Lexa! I'm almost ready I swear. I just have to put on a shirt. Come on." Clarke grabbed Lexa's hand and pulled her up a flight of stairs and down a hallway to her room. Lexa was using every ounce of willpower she had to not look at the shirtless blonde who was leading her to a bedroom.

"I can wait out here if you'd like to change in private." Lexa tried.

"I'm already shirtless, Lexa. I'm putting on more clothes than I'm wearing, it's a-ok. Plus I need opinions from someone. Now, tell me, does this shirt make you wanna hook up with me?" Clarke asked turning around in place so Lexa could the shirt from all angles. 

"Um- well, uh I guess?" Clarke rolled her eyes.

"I'm going to take that as a no. I need you to be totally honest now." She said turning around wearing a different shirt. This one was sheer, black, and really hot. "Now, tell me honestly what you think."

"I think it looks great but I think it'd look better on the floor of my bedroom." Lexa tried to stay straight faced. She really did but the face Clarke made was so funny she couldn't contain her laughter. It was a mix of surprise, confusion, and, Lexa wasn't sure but, she thought she saw a little approval in there somewhere. 

"Now that's the kind of honest I was looking for." Clarke said then added, "I didn't know the commander could be so relaxed. I like this Lexa a lot." 

"Raven already told you about the nickname she's come up with?"

"Of course she has. Raven is huge motor mouth, pun intended." Lexa half-smiled and Clarke swore she felt her knees start to go a little weak. "I think I'm ready to head out unless you still want to see how the shirt looks on the ground?" Clarke was only half joking. Lexa blushed deep red and turned to leave the room with Clarke right behind her. 

When the two arrived the party was in full swing. Bellamy was half naked sitting on the roof with someone who looked suspiciously like Fox. Monty and Miller both wasted and making out on the lawn. And Octavia and Raven were playing beer pong. This was all witnessed before they even entered the house.

The party inside was stuffy, sticky, and loud. Clarke was in her element. Lexa immediately made her way to the alcohol, she needed a few shots to loosen up and relax before she could enjoy herself. She went for her usual vodka shots but then decided after one that she would get drunker faster with tequila. 

She was six shots in when Clarke came bounding up to her. She was holding a red plastic cup filled with something that was a suspicious purple color. Clarke tried to throw her arm over the taller girl's shoulders but failed and settled for her waist. "Lexa, are you doing shots alone?!" Clarke was already slurring her words and they'd only been there for about thirty minutes. 

"Well the only people I know here were otherwise occupied so I figured I might get drunk and meet people." Lexa shrugged. Clarke shook her head furiously.

"Nope, no absolutely not. Come here." Clarke led Lexa to the dining room and then took off her shirt. Lexa's jaw about hit the ground.

"Clarke what on god's green earth are you doing!?" Clarke just gave her an evil grin and yelled. 

"BODY SHOTS!" Suddenly the room was crowded with people ready to watch. "C'mon Lex lemme see what you've got." Clarke said as she climbed on the table and laid flat on her back. Like magic Raven appeared to pour the tequila and sprinkle the salt along her collarbone and her neck before placing a lime in her mouth. Raven turned to Lexa and said, "well go on. You two have drawn a crowd, don't wanna disappoint them do you?" Lexa slowly climbed onto the table and carefully sucked the tequila from Clarke's belly button and then licked the salt from her collarbone and neck. She was beginning to feel the alcohol take effect. She moved to take the lime from Clarke's mouth, it was more sour than she'd expected and spit it on the ground but she didn't move from her place above Clarke. She was practically straddling her. 

The alcohol was living up to it's nickname "liquid courage" because Lexa leaned down and kissed the shirtless girl beneath her. To her surprise she kissed back... Hard.

Lexa quickly realized they were drawing an even bigger crowd and jumped off of Clarke. She rushed out of the house to the backyard, which was thankfully empty. The September air was cool and it brought Lexa back to earth. She felt the crushing guilt returning and she had only made it worse when she kissed Clarke. Being happy and in love just wasn't in the cards for her. It couldn't be.

Clarke found Lexa standing alone watching cars drive by. She sat on one of the patio chairs and motioned for Lexa to sit in the one next to her.

"What was that?" Clarke asked. The alcohol had all but worn off and she was able to think clearer. 

"What was what?" Lexa avoided the question, knowing all too well what Clarke meant.

"Don't play dumb with me Lexa, you know exactly what I'm talking about. What was that?" Lexa sighed, she knew she wouldn't get out of this that easily.

"I don't know." She lied. Clarke wasn't having it.

"Ok well come find me when you do know." She got up to leave and had her hand on the door handle when Lexa spoke.

"I'm not allowed to like you."

"What?"

"I can't let myself like you." Lexa continued, "I can't let myself do that again. I can't let myself start to like because then I could start to love you. I can't let that happen."

"Why the hell not? You deserve happiness as much as anyone else."

"Everyone I love dies, Clarke. My parents, my uncle Gustus, Costia. They died and I loved them. I know I told you you could move past your father's death and you can but you'll never be the same. You'll never be able to love someone without fear. And I know fear is weakness Clarke but so is love." Clarke looked at this usually stoic girl as she fell apart in front of her. She didn't know who Costia was but she clearly meant a lot to Lexa, losing her clearly hurt Lexa.

"Love doesn't have to be weakness. It can be strength if you let it be. Your love isn't what killed those people. Your love will never be what killed them.In the game of luck, you drew the short straw. It wasn't on your side. Well guess what, I think luck might be on my side because you chose to sit next to me in physics. And maybe, just maybe you're on luck's side too now." Lexa wiped the tears from her cheeks. She didn't totally believe Clarke but she began to hope that maybe her luck was changing.

Lexa started to get up but Clarke spoke again. "Who was Costia? To you I mean. Who was she to you?"

"My best friend. She was my girlfriend but she was the closest person to me. Even closer than my sister Anya. When she was killed I thought my life was over, I'm still not entirely positive it's not." Clarke's eyes widened.

"She was killed?" Lexa nodded.

"Her father was the sheriff and he shot this man's son. It wasn't in cold blood or anything, the kid had stabbed a man and the only way to stop him was through force. He died on the scene but the boy's father wanted revenge. I couldn't protect Costia, I didn't do enough to keep her safe." Lexa was crying again, she never cries, in her head she was kicking herself for it.

"Lexa, that is absolutely not your fault. You have to know that. You didn't kill her. You loving her didn't get her killed." Clarke urged.

"You barely know me, Clarke. Don't pretend to know what that was like for me! Don't act like you know what or how I feel!" Lexa snapped. Clarke was shocked at the anger in her voice, in her eyes. Lexa stormed back into the house. She passed Raven on the way to her car and said she needed to get home. Clarke still hadn't moved from her seat on the patio chair.

Clarke stayed at raven's that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a vague idea of how to make all of you hate me with the next chapter:) hopefully I don't hate myself afterwards..


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just so y'all know I've been very sleep deprived due to 5am shifts at work so writing has been a challenge.

Lexa had allowed herself moments. She had allowed herself to get drunk and have meaningless sex with meaningless girls but she never allowed herself to like them. When she woke next to them the morning after she'd slip silently out of the room with the skill of a trained assassin. Lexa didn't even know how open herself up like she did for Costia anymore and she didn't want to relearn how. 

Spending an entire Saturday in her bedroom was unlike Lexa, Anya knew this. Around 5 PM she banged on the door. "Get the fuck out of bed, there's no way you're that hungover considering you were sober enough to drive home last night." Lexa rolled onto her side and used her pillow to block the sound of her sister's yelling. "Did you hear me? I said get the fuck up." Anya pulled the pillow off her sister's head and yanked the blankets off her. "You're either gonna get over it or you're gonna do the smart thing and talk to me about it. Otherwise I'm gonna think you're on drugs. Now, which is it gonna be, huh?" Anya always had a way with words. Lexa rolled her eyes, she knew better than anyone that she didn't actually have a choice.

"I kissed this girl last night." Anya shrugged.

"So? I fucked a guy from my gym yesterday, what's the problem?" 

"I kissed her and I liked it! That's the fucking problem you ass. I can't like her, not the way I liked Costia." Lexa yelled. Anya suddenly realized what was wrong.

"Ah I see, you're scared. You're scared you're gonna get hurt again and you're scared that if you start to like someone that you're gonna forget Costia completely." Lexa looked away, her sister was right of course. No matter how much they fought or how much they annoyed each other, they were family and they had each other's back. "Well the way I see it is there's two ways to deal with it: one, you could actually make the effort to get over your fear and date this girl or, two, you can try to be friends with her and nothing more. It's gonna hurt like hell either way but you can't live in limbo forever, no matter how much you want to." 

"I snapped at her. Last night, I went off on her. I didn't mean to and she didn't deserve it but I just met this girl and she's trying to tell me how to feel." Anya considered her sister's words.

"You should apologize to her but also let her know what it was that pissed you off so much. And tell her what you want." Lexa hated when Anya was right, which most of the time. 

"Fine, but this better work." 

*************

Sunday morning Lexa was knocking on Clarke's front door. All night she'd been thinking about how she'd managed to start shit after living in DC for little over two weeks and going to school for barely a week. Back home she'd avoided drama like the plague and here she was starting it. She didn't want the people she'd started to be friends with to hate her for hurting Clarke or leading her on or something to that effect so she had to woman up and speak to Clarke. She waited a few minutes before knocking again. This time the door was answered quickly by an older woman. "Hi, I'm Lexa, I'm here to see Clarke... Is she home?" The woman smiled.  
"Yes, she's in her room. I'm Abby by the way, I don't think we've met."  
"No ma'am, we haven't, I just moved to DC a couple weeks ago and met your daughter at school." Abby nodded.  
"You can go on up if you know the way." Abby stepped aside to open the doorway for Lexa to walk through. Lexa couldn't help but think that Abby's comment about her knowing the way was some kind of trick but she went anyways, she had a mission: make Clarke not hate me.

Clarke heard the knocking on the door but she was in no mood to answer it so she stayed put at her desk with her sketchbook and a half-finished landscape. She assumed the person at the door was for her mom anyway which is why she was so surprised to hear a knock at her own door. 

"Who is it?" She asked impatiently.

"Clarke, it's Lexa. Please let me in." Clarke heart raced. She didn't know why Lexa was at her bedroom door and wasn't sure she wanted to. 

"Am I going to regret it?" Lexa frowned.

"I sincerely hope not. Clarke, I'm here because I have something I really need to say. Please just let me say it and I'll leave, I swear." Clarke sighed as she moved to the door. 

"Fine." Clarke said with her arms folded and trying not to look happy to see her, she was still mad at her after all... Or she was trying to be.

"Clarke, about Friday night, I am so very sorry for what I said. It was uncalled for, I was out of line and for that I apologize." Clarke was shocked that she was the one getting the apology and not the other way around. She had considered calling Lexa to apologize but wanted to give her some time to cool off. "But, I am not sorry for the way I felt. I was angry and I did have reason to be, though I'm not any longer." Admittedly Clarke could be pushy and controlling, she knew that.

"I'm sorry if you felt I was trying to tell you how you should feel. That's not what I was trying to do. I was just trying to help you feel less guilty. I apologize for that." Lexa nodded in acknowledgement. Both fell silent for a while, to Clarke it was an awkward silence, to Lexa it was a silence to decide what to do next. She didn't know if she should address the kiss or her wanting to just be friends. Thankfully Clarke gave her a segue. "Will I see you at lunch tomorrow?" What Clarke really meant was "Are we still friends as of tomorrow?" Lexa half-smiled.

"Of course, Clarke." Lexa turned to leave.

"You can stay and just chill if you want." Just chilling sounded nice to Lexa so she turned again and took a seat on the floor with her back against Clarke's bed. "Oh and you don't have keep being all formal and shit. We're ok." Lexa felt ten times lighter knowing she still had a friend in Clarke. Lexa did dread having to admit that her sister was right though.

******************

The next day at school was pretty uneventful. Lexa finally was able to find her way around school without getting lost. Her classes were boring, save physics which she shared with Clarke. She was waiting for lunch so she could have some actual stimulating conversation. Unsurprisingly the moment Lexa approached the table Raven whistled.

"Damn Commander, you and Clarke seemed like you have good time Friday night. Does this mean we have a new couple in the group?" She winked. Lexa stiffened and Clarke sensed her discomfort.

"No, no we talked about it and we're just friends. No weirdness or anything. Right Lexa?" Lexa nodded and sat in her spot next to Clarke. 

"Oh, so the commander is still up for grabs then?" Raven flirted. 

"I am completely off limits, Raven." Lexa responded.

"Yeah, we'll see about that." Lexa was no longer sure if Raven was joking or legitimately flirting. Not that she really minded either one. Lexa was drawn from her thoughts by Octavia.

"Fuck Mr. Kane. He expects everyone to understand high level Calculus after being shown the formulas one time!" She had her book on the table trying to finish up last minute homework. Lexa reached across the table and pulled Octavia's worksheet over to herself. 

"Oh, this is actually really simple if you think about it differently. Kane likes to make things more complicated than they need to be." Lexa wrote out the process Octavia needed to go through to find the answer and she got it first try. 

"You're like, really smart." Octavia said, slightly awed. Lexa shrugged.

"You wouldn't happen to be any good at organic chemistry would you?" Raven inquired.

"I actually took it last year. I got an A." Lexa stated.

"Shit man! I've been looking for a tutor. I'm a mechanics kind of girl. That organic bullshit doesn't make any sense. Would you be willing to help me out a couple nights a week?" Raven asked. Lexa never really thought of herself as a great teacher but she did want to help her friend.

"Sure, just text me when and I'll come over." Raven was elated.

"Thank god I don't have to fail that class. With your help I'll be an expert." Lexa rolled her eyes and went on eating her lunch.

******************

Lexa got a text around 7 from Raven asking for help with her homework. Raven lived not far from her own house so she decided to just walk. The evening was cool, the nearing of fall and a few of the leaves had started to lose their vibrancy. Before long Lexa was at Raven's house and knocking on the door.

"Ok Lexa you ready for some serious tutoring? I need to have this stuff down by my next test. No pressure or anything." Raven looked more serious than Lexa had seen her in the short time they'd known each other.

"Yes, I brought my chem book and some flash cards and-" Lexa lifted an extraordinarily large bag of gummy worms, "incentives." Raven eyed the candy. 

"Oh Trigeda, you've got my mouth watering. I'm not a dog you know."

"I know but I read a book for my AP English class called Freakonomics and it was all about incentives so I figured I'd test the theory." Lexa explained.

"So I'm not a dog, I'm a guinea pig?" Raven asked, half joking.

"More or less." Lexa said flatly as she moved into the house and made herself at home. Raven followed her to the living room and sat beside her on the couch where she'd started laying out books and paper and candy.

"I'm not gonna get much sleep tonight, am I?"

"Not a wink." They got started and Lexa was right, Raven didn't get a wink of sleep until the sun was peeking over the horizon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hang in there y'all;)


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I don't know whether to apologize or say you're welcome? so i'm sorry for wrecking your clexa hopes and you're welcome for giving you some cute moments and bad puns.

Lexa squinted against the sunlight traveling through the blinds. She looked at her phone and saw it was a quarter past seven. Tossing her phone back on the nightstand she rolled over not knowing what to expect. What she saw was a peaceful sleeping Raven. She'd done well with the organic chemistry last night and they hadn't finished until around 3 AM so Raven offered to let her stay over. 

(Five hours prior)

"Finally starting to get it!" Raven exclaimed after correctly answering all the questions on her homework sheet. 

"It's really not as hard as teachers like to make it. I still haven't figured out why they teach us the hardest way to do things." 

"Because we are 'lazy teens who need to learn the value of hard work'" Raven impersonated Mr. Jaha. Lexa laughed.

"I've maintained a 3.9 GPA since the ninth grade and played softball on a school team since the seventh grade AND worked eight hour shifts at work. I think I have at least a basic understanding of hard work." Raven looked at Lexa, really looked at her, no joking in her eyes.

"You really are as genuine and strong as you act, aren't you? Like that took a shitload of guts to talk to Clarke about what happened the other night and it took a lot of guts to just be friends with someone you clearly like." Lexa had never seen this side of Raven. The soft(ish) side, the side that was caring, and observant. She really liked this side. 

"I don't- I try not to have feelings for anyone. It always ends up hurting me or someone I love so everyone is better off really."

"Everyone but you."

"Yeah but I'm just me, sacrifice the few to save the many you know?" Raven nodded sadly.

"Yeah, I know but what about physical needs as opposed to emotional ones? Like, and I'm not trying to assume anything because you could be asexual for all I know, but what do you do when you just want to fuck?" Lexa knew she wasn't joking when she asked it but she chuckled anyway.

"I either get really drunk and have meaningless sex with someone or, on rare occasions, there's someone who's in my boat, someone who's just down with sex and nothing more." Lexa explained. Raven knew the feeling.

"I feel you man, after Finn I have no desire to be emotionally involved with anyone. Life just gets boring sometimes when you don't have a significant other, y'know?" Lexa wondered if Raven meant to be sending her signals or if she was just really sexually frustrated. 

"Yeah, I know what you mean..." Raven wondered if she was being obvious enough for Commander Common Sense.

Both girls sat there in semi-awkward silence waiting for the other to do something. Raven ended up being the one to move first. She leaned in and gently, tentatively kissed Lexa, gauging the other girl's response. What Raven wasn't expecting was for Lexa to push her onto her back and straddle her. Raven sensed she was in for quite a ride.

(Tuesday morning 7:15 AM)

Lexa looked at the sleeping girl next to her. She liked Raven, she really did but she didn't feel the rush she felt when she kissed Clarke. It was enjoyable no doubt and satisfying but there was no romantic love between them. The sex was great though. 

Raven stirred and Lexa started to jump out of the bed. 

"You don't have to dine and dash, commander. We both knew what we agreed to." Lexa smirked.

"Did you just make a pun about me giving you head?" Raven chuckled, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes.

"Did you expect any different?" Lexa couldn't say she did, truthfully she didn't know what she'd expected to happen. She just slept with one of Clarke's best friends after all.

"I guess not..." They were both silent for a beat and Lexa continued "it's 7:20 we should shower and get ready for school. We should probably talk about last night too." Raven huffed and wrapped herself in the duvet.

"Just five more minutes, mom." Lexa cringed.

"Please never, ever call me mom. After what I did to you it’s just wrong.” Raven rolled her eyes.

“Ok Commander, whatever you say.”

“You mean that?” Lexa asked suggestively. 

“Not like that you perv!” Lexa the effortlessly dodged the pillow aimed at her face.

“You didn’t seem to have a problem doing what I said last night!” Lexa called as she darted from the bedroom and into the bathroom to have a shower. Raven rolled her eyes and rolled out of bed to use the other shower. This was going to be a quite a day.

*******  
Lexa expected things to be awkward between her and Raven, possibly tense. To her surprise Raven was as normal as ever (or as normal as Raven could be). She still felt that she and Raven needed to talk about the situation and whether they would allow it to go further or if they were going to stop it where it was, but she felt the conversation wasn't as urgent as she'd thought. Lexa didn't see Raven until lunch, the period she'd been dreading the most. All their friends at one table, Lexa wasn't sure Raven could keep quiet. 

"How'd it go last night?" Lexa's head shot up from her tray, Bellamy was looking at the girls inquisitively.

"Lots and lots of chemistry." Raven answered, Lexa gave her a look. Raven's forehead creased in confusion. She continued, "Organic Chemistry is fucking stupid but Lexa is an actual genius and I think I'll pass the class now." Lexa exhaled.

"Damn, at least someone in the group has a brain, pretty sure Clarke was about to blow hers out if we didn't stop asking her for help!" Octavia joked. No one but Murphy laughed. "Wow, tough crowd." She murmured.

Lexa glanced down and caught Raven discretely texting under the table, she wondered who it was to and why she wanted to hide it. Lexa's phone vibrated then. 

Raven: come over after school.

Lexa: for??

Raven: it wasn't a question. 

Lexa took a deep breath. Fear wasn't something she felt often,exasperation, sure. Anger, all the time. But fear, that was rare. She was anxious about what Raven had planned for her. Was she going to tell her she's decided to tell Clarke about the night before? Was she going to say that Lexa was awful in bed and it wasn't worth doing it again? She had no idea, she'd have to show up to find out.

Clarke piped up, addressing Lexa she asked "what are you doing after school? I was thinking about going to this film festival in Bethesda and I know none of these jocks will wanna go with me and Monty refuses to watch movies with me anymore." 

"Can you blame me?! The last time I let you pick a movie you chose My Girl! I can never trust you again!" Monty exclaimed.

"It was NINE years ago Monty! Let it go! We were EIGHT!" 

"I've never been more betrayed in my life." Monty states, Clarke rolls her eyes but laughs.

"Anyway, Lexa, whatcha think?" She could feel Raven's eyes on her, but she really wanted to go with Clarke.

"What time were you thinking we leave and what time would we be back?" Lexa thought she might be able to go with Clarke and be back in time to stop by Raven's.

"It's only like a thirty minute drive and the festival ends at like 10. I'd say we'd be back no later than 10:45." Clarke explained. That could work, Lexa thought. She could go to Raven's after the festival and just stay the night again. Her phone buzzed with another text from Raven.

Raven: come over after if you wanna know what's up

Lexa: that was the plan from the get go 

Raven smirked. She should've known Lexa wouldn't pass on an opportunity to get laid.

"Ok, that sounds good. Do you just wanna pick me up at like 4?" Lexa asked

"Sounds like a plan!" Clarke was beaming.  
**********  
Clarke got to Lexa's early, she was giddy with excitement. It'd been awhile since she'd had someone to drag along to film festivals and art galleries. None of her friends were into art like she was. She didn't think Lexa was particularly art oriented but she was willing to tag along and that meant a lot. 

She hopped out of her car and jogged up to Lexa's front door. She was just about to knock when a girl, not much older than her and Lexa, flung door open and barreled into her. Both of them tumbled to the ground; the older girls gym bag breaking Clarke's fall. 

"Fuck, fuck, fuck! I'm gonna be so fucking late. Get up kid, you're on my bag!" Clarke scrambled away from the bag. Lexa sauntered out a few seconds later.

"I see you met my sister, Anya." Lexa said, reaching down to help Clarke up off the ground. "I would tell you she grows on you but I'm not in the business of lying to pretty girls." Lexa stiffened when she realized what she'd said. She prayed to every god she knew of that Clarke would let it go... It seemed luck wasn't on her side this time.

"Pretty huh?" Clarke smirked, her hands planted firmly on her hips. Lexa's face grew red and she tried to backtrack.

"All I said was I wasn't in the business of lying to pretty girls... I never said you were one of them." Lexa made a feeble attempt at saving her pride.

"So you don't think I'm pretty?" Lexa was stuck between a rock and a hard place. Of course she thought Clarke was pretty, who in their right mind wouldn't? But she also wanted things to stay platonic. 

"I- uh, yeah, of course I do think you're pretty." Lexa stuttered.

"Mm yeah that's what I thought." Lexa couldn't let Clarke get the last word. Regaining her composure she replied.

"Well, like I said, I'm not in the business of lying to pretty girls." Lexa shrugged and strolled off toward the car. Clarke watched her go, she noticed how Lexa had a way of walking with a casual swagger, steadfast determination, and trained stealth all at once. Only once Lexa was seated in the SUV did Clarke start walking toward the car. 

The drive was peaceful. Both girls sat lost in their own thoughts. Traffic wasn't bad and they got to the festival with plenty of time to spare. Clarke suggested they grab a bite to eat before it started. Lexa wondered what Clarke liked to eat.

"Hey, what about Thai food?!" Clarke asked, pointing to a run-down looking restaurant. One room, barely room for 20 people to sit and eat.

"Uh, are you sure?" Lexa asked, suspicious of the restaurant.

"Of course I am! Come on, you'll see." Lexa did love Thai food. Clarke grabbed her hand and pulled her into the building.

The bell over the door rang and a small woman looked up from the register and waved.  
"Hey there Clarke, been awhile since you've been in."

"Hey, Mrs. Green. Well since your son refuses to come to these film festivals with me I haven't had a reason come to Bethesda lately." Lexa was curious who this woman's son was but then it dawned on her Green, Monty. She wondered how they were able to afford Ark's tuition on the profit from this tiny place. She shook her head, reprimanding herself, it was none of her business what their financial situation was.

The girls were seated promptly. Lexa ordered the mango chicken, Clarke the coconut rice. The moment the first piece of mango chicken touched her tongue Lexa knew how the Green's were able to afford Ark's tuition. It was the best Thai food she'd ever tasted in her entire life. Lexa looked up from her chopsticks and saw Clarke looking at her.

"This- this is the best thing I've ever tasted Clarke." Lexa stated, surprised.

"Told you I was sure." Clarke went back to her rice, Lexa to her chicken. Then Clarke looked up again. "I am not sure how you feel about sharing food but, I've been eyeing that piece of chicken for like five minutes." Lexa quickly plucked it off her plate and hovered over Clarke's plate. At the very last second she tossed it in her mouth. Clarke feigned hurt. "I CANnnOT beLiEVe!" 

"Alright alright princess, chill, I'll give you this one." She pulled the same trick.

"Ok, you know what, you're just mean. You're a mean girl and I'll never forgive you for this, this betrayal!" Clarke dropped her chopsticks and folded her arms across her chest. Lexa was cracking up. She thought herself to be quite the comedian. She took a few deep breaths to calm her laughter.

"Ok this time I swear! Here." Lexa offered to piece of chicken and Clarke refused.

"You ruined it, I don't even want it anymore." She looked away. Lexa stood from her seat and shuffled toward Clarke, still holding the chicken out for her. She still refused. Finally Lexa extends the chopsticks toward Clarke's mouth.

"Eat the damn chicken!" She finally ate the damn chicken.

"That. Is. The best. Chicken. I've ever had." Clarke said, wide eyed. Lexa reached across the table and grabbed a clump of rice from Clarke's plate with her chopsticks, popping it in her mouth. It was the best rice she'd ever had the privilege of eating. Lexa made sure to remember the name of the restaurant "Thai Inter" for future reference. 

The girls finished up their food, Lexa refused to let Clarke pay, but agreed to let her leave an outrageously generous tip and they were off to the festival. 

It was more crowded than Lexa expected, she didn't like crowds. She started to lose Clarke in the throngs of people, glimpsing her blonde hair between heads every few seconds. 

"Hey! Clarke! Wait up!" Clarke pushed her way back to Lexa.

"Sorry. I just get really excited at these things and I love crowds." She was smiling from ear to ear.

"Well, I don't like losing sight of you. It makes me anxious." Lexa admitted, blushing.

"Ok, I'm sorry. I can get you a leash if you want." Lexa snorted. "Or you could just hold my hand?" Clarke offered her hand. Lexa hesitated but took it and smiled. It was just so she wouldn't lose Clarke in the crowd.

They sat for the first of four films. This one being a French indie film called "Tomboy". Lexa didn't need the subtitles which was helpful for Clarke because she kept forgetting to read along with the movie. The movie ended and the girls discussed. Lexa thought it was wrong for Mikäel's mother to make him confess he was born female. Clarke agreed but also thought that his mother did have his best interest at heart, even if what she thought was best wasn't really best.

The next three movies were all in English. Toward the end of the second movie it had started to get dark. Clarke tried to hide the fact that she was fucking freezing but Lexa being the observant friend she is noticed. She turned and pulled a fleece out of her bag and silently handed it to the shivering blonde. Clarke whispered "thanks" and pulled the fleece on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so unbelievably sorry for the gap in updates. work has been so hectic along with my college classes and high school classes and college apps i just havent had the time. this is just a midway and im going to add to this chapter soon i swear it on my grandpas grave!
> 
> Oct 15: I DID IT SEE! And how about the hc of Lexa speaking French huh? Pretty dope imo


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm just really sorry. I'm so shit. I never have time to write and I don't want to abandon this.

Clarke pulled into Lexa's driveway, coming to a stop she turned the car off and looked at Lexa.

"Thanks for coming with me Lexa." She smiled a genuine smile and Lexa felt herself smile too. 

"It was nice. I don't know why Monty is so against it. If you need someone to tag along with you next time, hit me up." Lexa reached for the handle to leave but Clarke pulled her across the center consol and hugged her tight. Lexa stiffened at the sudden contact but quickly relaxed into the blonde. 

"I'll see you tomorrow Commander."

"See ya Princess." Lexa got out of the SUV and watched Clarke back out onto the street. She waited until the car was out of sight before she got into her own car and took off toward Raven's house.

************  
"Hey there Lexa. Glad to see you could make it." Lexa's heart was beating a mile a minute. 

"Well, I happen to have a natural curiosity that wouldn't let me bail. What is so important that I had to come over at 11 o'clock at night?" Raven had a glint in her eye, a smirk on her face, and she was approaching Lexa with a purpose. Raven slowly, ever so slowly kissed Lexa's neck, then her jaw, and finally her lips. Lexa was so distracted that she didn't even notice Raven moving Lexa's hands behind Lexa's back. Before she knew it Lexa had her hands tied together so well even she, trained in survival tactics, couldn't get free. Raven immediately ended all contact leaving Lexa bewildered. 

"Wha- Raven what the fuck?!" Lexa demanded.

"Well, I figured that since the Commander loves to be in charge all the time I might teach her a lesson in submission." Lexa wasn't sure whether she was angry or turned on. A little of both probably but still wildly confused.

"You're serious?! You're seriously going to leave my hands tied up all night?" 

"No, I might handcuff them later." Raven said, seductively. She hooked one finger in the collar of Lexa's shirt and tugged her toward the bedroom.

Raven woke up a few hours later. She’d uncuffed Lexa's hands after a while and they both fell asleep. The sleeping girl next her looked so peaceful, so open. Raven watched her for a while, so long that she lost track of time. Light streamed through the bedroom window casting shadows over Lexa's body and Raven realized she cared about the girl more than she originally intended to. Clarke is gonna hate me. I don't want to hurt her. Raven thought. And I know Lexa cares for Clarke. I'm just a distraction. Raven rolled over so she faced the wall and her back was to Lexa. They had to stop but Raven didn't know how to tell Lexa or what excuse to use to explain why. 

Raven lay awake for a while before the girl beside her began to stir. Raven rolled back to look at the girl. Lexa flopped on her back, much less graceful than she is in her waking life. She smiled in her sleep and Raven wondered what she was dreaming about, whether she was in it or if it was Clarke, or something unrelated to any of them. As quietly and carefully as possible Raven slipped from the bed and padded down the hall to the bathroom. She showered and changed into her uniform before leaving for school.

Lexa woke up to Raven’s alarm. She looked around the room for the other girl but found no sign of her. Lexa's heart fell, she knew she'd fuck this up somehow. She wasn't sure what had caused it but she knew Raven had left early to avoid her. Lexa dressed quickly in one of Raven’s uniforms and left for school. It wasn't going to be a good day, she could already tell. 

First period was a drag. Kane was in a worse mood than usual and Lexa had none of her books. She'd left them at home and went straight from being dropped off by Clarke to Raven’s. To her relief the bell rang just as Kane was assigning homework so he saved it for later. She went to art and sat in her usual seat. Clarke wandered over and sat on her desk.  
“Hey Commander, how's it hanging? You look exhausted.”  
“Long night is all.” Lexa was only half lying. A lie by omission really.  
“Kane give you guys a lot of homework?”  
Lexa just nodded as Wallace began class and Clarke returned to her spot at the front of the class.  
They didn't really talk during physics. Clarke complained about the homework once and that was the extent of their conversation. Clarke noticed this. She wondered if she'd done something to offend the girl or if Lexa was having a problem at home. If Clarke had learned anything in the short time she's known Lexa it was not to push, so she held her tongue and didn't bring it up. Octavia, however, had not yet learned how to deal with Lexa’s moods. 

“Sup Commander Grumpy-pants, wake up on the wrong side of the war tent?” The boys thought this was hilarious and howled in laughter as Lexa clenched her jaw and sat down with a huff. Raven and her shared a look and Clarke’s interest piqued. She decided to corner Raven later and find out exactly what's going on there.

45 minutes later Clarke had Raven shoved up against a bank of lockers, hand curled tight around the collar of the girls shirt. It wasn’t quite as violent as it sounds, this was just Clarke’s way of letting Raven know she meant business. Raven knew what Clarke wanted to know but she would do everything she could to keep Clarke from finding out.

“I saw the look between you and Lexa and I know you know what she's upset about. Tell me, I want to help.” Clarke released the girl. Raven bent down to adjust her leg brace, a nervous habit she'd developed after the accident. Clarke caught it. “What? What is it? You can tell me, I won't freak out or get mad or anything. What happened?” 

“She's just having a day.” Raven lied.

“Ok, well why is she wearing your school uniform?” Raven looked confused. “I saw the oil stain on the cuff of the shirt. I know Lexa wouldn't have been under a car recently.” She couldn't think of a way to explain that away, she figured the truth about that wouldn't hurt.

“She didn't bring any clothes to my house last night and she ended up staying the night.” Clarke initially thought Lexa had gone over there to tutor Raven in chemistry again but the nervous face Raven was making made her rethink. 

“So, how was she?” Clarke asked. Raven was a shit liar but she tried anyway.

“At chem? Amazing, I, uh, I never thought I'd understand conversions.” Clarke rolled her eyes and crossed her arms.

“C’mon Raven we all know you're a terrible liar. I don't care if you slept with her. Why would I care? It's not like we’re dating or anything, Lexa made that pretty fucking clear at your party.” Clarke was fuming, Raven knew it, Clarke knew it, hell half the school would probably know it by the end of the day. 

“Ok, fine, yeah, I slept with her, but I decided to end it this morning!” 

“You'd done it before? You said you wanted to ‘end it’ that implies there was more than one time. You two were fucking behind my back?!” She was yelling now. Loud enough to attract attention from classrooms. 

“Yes. We had. But only one other time. It started because neither of us wanted to be emotionally invested in anyone but we still wanted sex. That was all it was. As soon as I started to develop feelings for her I decided it needed to end it because the last I want to do is hurt you Clarke. You have to know that!” Raven begged that Clarke would understand, prayed she wouldn't take this out on Lexa, hoped she would forgive her. “Lexa’s afraid. She's afraid because she really likes you, Clarke. She likes you and she doesn't know what to do about it. Yeah, we fucked, but she doesn't want to be with me. Be angry with me Clarke, I deserve it, but please don't take it out on Lexa.” Raven was more than willing to take the blame if it meant Lexa found happiness. Raven kicked herself for allowing herself to develop feelings but there was nothing she could do about it now. Clarke looked contemplative, weighing her options. On one hand Clarke was fucking pissed and hurt by Lexa, on the other she understood the other girl’s actions. Clarke took a deep breath and relaxed. She was still hurt and mad and slightly betrayed but she also knew neither of them were meaning to hurt her, she figured she should try to let it go.

Raven released a breath, she was safe for the time being. Clarke stepped back, putting distance between her and Raven, and walked off to class. Raven shooed away the few spectators and pulled out her phone to text Lexa.

Raven: we need to talk. NOW.  
Lexa: I'm in class Raven. Can it wait until after?  
Raven: fine. Meet me on the baseball field after class. Don't talk to Clarke until after we talk. K?  
Lexa: I'll be there.

Raven tucked her phone back in her pocket and headed for the field to wait in one of the dugouts.

The bell rang and Lexa quickly packed up her things and headed for the field. She knew what Raven wanted to talk about, but she didn't know why she was supposed to avoid Clarke. A knot formed itself in the pit of her stomach and she quickened her pace. 

Raven didn't hear her coming. Lexa cleared her throat as she stood in the entrance of the dugout. Raven jumped slightly. 

“Lex-”

“Rav-” they started at the same time.

“You first.” Raven insisted. Lexa shifted on her feet, clearly not knowing how to start. She cleared her throat again.

“I don't know what I did or said that caused you to run off this morning, but whatever it was I sincerely apologize. I never intended to hurt or offend you.” Lexa stated. Raven’s forehead creased in confusion. 

“You didn't do anything, Lexa. You were a perfect fuck buddy. You've been nothing but kind to me and I can see that I hurt you by leaving this morning. I just got scared-” Raven saw Lexa flinch, just slightly. “Not of you! I wasn't scared of you! I was scared of me.”

“What do you mean?” The whole conversation was a fucking mess.

“You really don't see when people love you, do you?” Raven couldn't believe she hadn't caught on. “Lexa, I’m falling in love with you. And before you say anything! I need to explain that I am not in love with you. I'm FALLING in love with you. I haven't landed yet. Hopefully I never do. Shit, that came out badly. I would love nothing more than to fall in love with you if it meant no one got hurt and you would love me back.” Raven never knows when to shut the fuck up.

“I- I'm confused. I- why would you- how do you love me? I destroy everyone in my path along with myself. There is nothing desirable about me. I'm damaged goods. That's why I can't be with Clarke, or you for what it's worth.” Raven rolled her eyes. What she lacked in tact she made up for in honesty.

“Shut the fuck up, Trigeda. If you wanna play the self-pity game then go find another ball field. I don't developed feelings for just anyone. And isn't it just so fitting that Clarke and I both fall for the same person? That makes twice now in case you didn't know.” Lexa knew. “You're fucking stunning firstly, secondly you're the smartest motherfucker in most rooms, thirdly you're kind even though you try to hide it, and fourthly, did I mention you're stunning? Like I don't understand how you can't see why someone would want to be with you.” Raven took a breath, finally. Lexa stared at her, wide eyed. Partly because she wasn't expecting to be bombarded with compliments and also because Raven sounded just like Anya. 

“Did you just say that Clarke fell for me?” Lexa asked. Raven let out an exasperated sigh.

“Yeah, commander. She's in love with you. Like head over fucking heels, in love. It's disgusting.”

“That means I should talk to her about it? I should tell her we slept together too, right?” Lexa is clueless. Completely and utterly clueless.

“Ah, we've come to what I actually wanted to talk about! Yay! Yeah, Clarke already knows about us and she's PISSED. She's gonna act like she isn't bothered by it but BELIEVE me she's really hurt and jealous and mad. She's very volatile. I would tread carefully.” Lexa just blinked. Raven had to give her credit for not reacting more than that. She wondered how she was able to look so neutral. 

“Alright. So maybe I shouldn't talk to her about being in love with her and focus on apologizing for having sex with one of her best friends?” She asked.

“There we go! The commander’s got it!” Raven clapped the other girl on the back as she strolled past her and out of the dugout. She remembered something and looked back. “Oh and, if you ever tell anyone I have feelings, I have things I can blackmail Bellamy with to make him keep you quiet.” Lexa swallowed and nodded. Raven looked satisfied and strode off the field. Lexa decided it was time to find Clarke and talk.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's short, but kinda cute. Imma end it soonish

Clarke was fucking livid. She knew she had no right to be and she knew it was useless because her being pissed wouldn't change anything, but she was fucking livid. She had hidden herself away in the abandoned art room. There was plenty of blank canvas she could use and she’d taken advantage of it. Her palate was covered in reds and orange and all the other angry colors she could find. She knew exactly who she was painting and she wasn't embarrassed about it anymore. In the sketchbook she carries with her everywhere are about 10 different drawings of the softball player, each unique and special for different reasons. Whenever Lexa had asked to see the sketches she claimed they were no good or that she wasn't done with a few of them. The truth is she just didn't want the girl seeing how many times she was in there. 

Clarke was drawn from her thoughts and from her work by a crash behind her. She jumped and whipped around to see who the culprit was. To her annoyance it was a sheepish Lexa. She was in her softball uniform and, despite her anger, a few sinful thoughts crossed her mind.

Clarke didn't want Lexa to know she was mad. Didn't want to let her know she held any power over her. Though she clearly held a great deal. 

“Hi, Lexa. Were you looking for me?” It was a weak attempt at nonchalance.

“Yeah, I was. You don't have to pretend you're ok around me. I know you're angry. I want to apologize if you'll let me.” Lexa rubbed the back of her neck, clearly unaccustomed to apologizing.

“I'm not mad. Why would I be mad? Two of my best friends sleeping together? That's fine. It worked out well in FRIENDS, it's fine, I'm fine.” Lexa wasn't good at reading emotions but even she couldn't miss the fact that Clarke was not, in fact, fine.

“You're not fine Clarke. Even I can see that. I know what Raven and I did hurt you. That was never the intention. We were both lonely and frustrated and bored. It wasn't about feelings or anything. Raven left me in her bed this morning because she knew we had to stop. I'm so sorry, Clarke.” Lexa prayed Clarke would be forgiving.

“Why are you explaining this to me?! We aren't dating. We aren't fucking. I don't get an explanation! You don't owe me anything, Lexa.”  
Clarke was on the verge of tears. She was angry and hurt and stubborn and Lexa saw it.

“Yes, I do. You deserve an explanation and an apology. We might not be dating, Clarke, but we’re more than friends. We both know that. I wasn't ready, I still don't think that I am. I can try to be though, because you're the kindest person I've ever met. You're smart and funny and beautiful and I would love nothing more than for you to be in my life as more than what we are now. If you'll have me that is.” It took Lexa every ounce of confidence she had to spit out that little speech. She was practically shaking by the end of it. She shut her eyes, trying to compose herself. She stiffened when she felt warm, tentative arms snake around her waist. She opened one eye, then the other to see Clarke standing in front of her smiling sadly. She was still angry, Lexa knew that much. And she knew she'd have to work to regain Clarke’s trust, but she was okay with that, more than okay.

“I want that. I do. I just think maybe we should give it some more time. Raven doesn't develop feelings often and when she does it usually ends up hurting her. I don't want to hurt her. I don't want you to hurt her.” Clarke rose up on her toes and kissed the corner of Lexa's mouth softly before backing away. 

“Ok. I will see you later, Clarke. I ha- wait is that,” Lexa peered around the blonde at the canvas behind her, “is that me?” Lexa approached the painting for a better look. Clarke's face was bright red.

“Um, well, kind of, maybe a little. I was-I was a little mad. I'm sor-” she was cut off by Lexa’s lips crashing into hers. It was fast at first, desperate. Then it slowed down, became something more intimate. It wasn't long, maybe 30 seconds, before Lexa pulled away.

“Don't apologize, Clarke. It doesn't suit you. Your art is your escape. If you needed to escape from me for a while that's ok. I know I agreed to wait, but you made me look beautiful and I just didn't know how else to thank you.” Lexa picked up her bag from where she'd dropped it by the door. She waved, somewhat awkwardly, to the blonde artist and left for practice. Clarke remained in the art room, dazed. 

Lexa’s heart kept beating at an abnormally fast pace for the entire practice. Octavia had to notice, though she said nothing. She was afraid she'd made the wrong move, that kissing Clarke was a bad call. They had agreed to wait after all. But it felt right. She hadn't thought it through. She just did it. She never did that. She always thought through her every move meticulously, weighing the risks versus the rewards. And thinking about it after the fact she realized Clarke was worth any risk. 

“So slugger, did you give a big apology speech or did she cut you off? She's not quick to forgive, believe me. She didn't speak to her mother for months after she took her dad off life support.” Raven clapped her on the back, trying to seem unfazed. It wasn't working.

“I apologized. We are okay, though she's still quite angry. Which I understand completely I mean, I knew she and I were more than just friends. I knew it and yet I still did what I did.” Lexa left out the part about the kiss. What Raven doesn't know won't hurt her.

“It takes two to tango, and coincidentally it also takes two to do the dirty. I'm just as much at fault as you are. Don't be so hard on yourself.” Raven’s expression softened and Lexa could see how much Raven cared for her. It only made her feel worse about the situation. She felt she should explain to Raven that it hadn't been meaningless, that she wasn't meaningless. 

“You know what we did wasn't entirely meaningless, right? For it to have been meaningless, you'd have to also be meaningless. You're not meaningless to me. You know that right?” Lexa hoped the other girl understood what she meant. 

“Thanks Commander. Though the word ‘meaningless’ sounds weird now that you've said it so many times.” Raven clapped her on the back again, but this time she turned it into an awkward side-hug. As she pulled away she whispered “Thanks, Lexa.” And walked to her car. Finally, Lexa felt like things might be alright.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM SO SORRY i willl write more in the coming day/weeks i swear. imma try to finish this in 2 chapters. no promises but thats the plan

She laid in her bed, leg brace abandoned on the floor. Staring at the ceiling she thought back through where she could have gone wrong, where the fatal mistake was. She couldn't pinpoint it exactly, but she knew it was somewhere between the night they studied together and the night of the film festival. It was fast. It was a memory that would surely surface in time. She wanted to imagine that the next time she felt for someone it would different. They'd be just hers, she’d call them in the evening to yell about her physics homework, they'd hold hands in the hall, she’d be very unlike herself and tell them how she feels. Most of all though, she liked to imagine they had nothing to do with Clarke Griffin.  
She loves Clarke, she does. They helped each other through the Finn disaster and other, more minor, incidents. (TBT to that time Clarke almost fucked Bellamy while she was drunk and Raven had to talk her out of it.) Despite her attitude towards romance and love, Raven doesn’t actually want to be alone. Right now especially. She’s hurting and lord knows Raven Reyes doesn’t know how to handle emotions. She texts Octavia:

Ray: you busy?  
Octagon: other than my 2000 word paper for the IB due tomorrow that i havent started yet? Nope im free as a bird!  
Ray: Lit, wanna come smoke at mine?  
Octagon: is that even a question? Ill be there in 10

Octavia arrived right on time (for once. The weed was probably a good motivator). She dropped her bag on the floor of Raven’s bedroom and flopped onto the bed with a huff. 

“Why did I choose to do the IB? What kind of masochist does that? Oh right, ME!” Octavia complained while Raven packed the bowl. She may have overpacked it a bit, but it had been a long day and Octavia clearly seemed to be having a rough time too. 

“You chose to do it because you’re crazy smart and also because you can’t let Bellamy be better than you. He’s getting his IB diploma and you can’t let him one up you, man.” Raven tried to encourage her the best way she knows how. Competition. It seemed to work too. Octavia sat up on the bed with a renewed determination.

“Ray, you’re so right. If Bellamy gets the diploma then I do too… unless her DOESNT get the diploma.” Octavia had this mischievous grin on her face and Raven knew it couldn't be anything good. “What if we switched his paper with a plagiarized one so they won’t accept the paper and he fails the IB?!”

“We can’t do that O, that’ll go his permanent record and he won’t be able to get into any colleges.” Raven reminded her.

“Ok… what if we moved all his folders around for like a month and make him think he’s irresponsible so he’ll drop out?!” Octavia suggested.

“Actually that could be fun. Let’s do it. After this bowl though. Gotta finish the bowl.” Raven the proceeded to take a giant hit from the bong she bought earlier that week after Jasper dropped her old one.  
The two smoked for a couple hours. They talked about Avril Lavigne being dead and argued about whether or not aliens built Stonehenge. Eventually Raven got serious. 

“God, you what’s fucking typical?” she started, Octavia cocked her eyebrow. “The first time I develop feelings since Finn and I lose them to Clarke Fucking Griffin again.” Octavia was in the middle of taking a hit when Raven said this and coughed into the bong, sending ashes everywhere.

“Hold up, hold up, hold up. Who is this person you’re referring to? Is Clarke dating someone and not told me?” Octavia sounded slightly offended.

“No, she’s not dating anyone. Lexa is just in love with her and she’s in love with Lexa.” Raven knew she was being vague and Octavia would be confused because she’s high and also Octavia.

“Ok, I’m officially lost. Explain once more, and slowly.” Octavia gathered up the ash that she blew everywhere while Raven re-explained. 

“Lexa was in a bad mood today because we were sleeping together, just for shiggles, but then my dumb ass had go and fall in love with her and ruin it. I left her in my bed this morning and then Clarke found out and got all… Clarke on me. So now I’m lonely, sad, AND sexually frustrated! Fun times!” Raven flopped back onto the bed, exhausted. Octavia was speechless for, quite possibly, the first time in her life.

“Wait, I’m high. I think I misheard you. Did you just say you and Lexa were sleeping together? Did you also just say that you fell in love with her? Did you then proceed to actually say you’re feeling things, out loud, in front of another living creature? Is this weed laced with acid? I think I’m hallucinating.” Octavia pinched herself, thinking she might be having a super-vivid nightmare and she’d wake up on Raven’s bedroom floor groggy and high. That did not happen.

“Yes I said all of those things. The only reason I did though is because I’m too afraid to say this shit without the influence of drugs.” Normally, Raven would rather die than admit she isn’t completely emotionless. She’ll regret this when she’s sober, probably.

“We’ve done drugs together before and you’ve never admitted to having feelings, though?”

“Yeah, well I didn’t have them then.” 

“Yeah, ok, whatever you say, Raven. Also, AM I SITTING ON A TAINTED BED? HAVE YOU WASHED YOUR SHEETS?” Octavia knows Raven has feelings all the time, but she lets her think she’s slick. What harm is there in playing along? She decides to ask something she wouldn't if Raven wasn’t high. “Will you remember this in the morning?”

“Lord I hope not. In reality? Yeah, I probably will. Why?”

Octavia takes one last enormous hit before continuing, “Why Lexa?” Raven gave her a confused expression, so she elaborated. “Why did you choose to be fuck buddies with Lexa? Like, why her? Why not someone you’re closer with?” Ocatvia’s heart was pounding in her chest and she was pretty sure Raven could hear it. “Why not, like, me?”


End file.
